Gender Identity & Embracing Femininity

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I recently attended a fascinating lecture where we were all asked to participate in an activity that provided some interesting insights into how we identify with gender.

Upon entering the auditorium, we were each asked to write down our five strongest individual identifiers. People could have written things like: Reader, Cook, Runner, Sister, Brother, Latino, Extrovert, or any number of different terms. I myself put Feminine, Feminist (of course), Academic, Foodie, and Occasional Introvert (this one might have been contextual  -- I was terrified of being called on to share my terms in front of the entire room).

It is surprisingly difficult to come up with five different words to describe yourself. Can you think of your own? (See what I mean, its hard!) Perhaps we find it easier to judge others than to judge ourselves - I could have chosen any number of positive attributes for my closest friends or family members, but struggled to come up with 5 of my own. I noticed a few people around me clearly felt the same way as they raced against the clock to complete their 'personality maps' in time.

Eventually we all completed our forms, and the presenter then asked a series of questions regarding our identifiers: If we associated with the question, we were asked to stand up. So, for example, if the lecturer (who was, incidentally, a man) asked, "Did one of your identifiers have to do with your ethnicity?" anyone who had written down their ethnicity would have stood up.

For the most part, the groups who stood for any given category were varied. In the case of the ethnicity/race question, a handful of people from different races, countries and ethnicities stood up, including a number of white Americans.

The ONLY time a group was starkly segregated was when the issue of gender came up. Not a single man stood when gender was named as a primary identifier.

How fascinating! Why is it that the women in this room felt so connected to their gender identity while not a single male felt the same way about his masculinity? People will of course have different opinions on this, but it seems to me that the privilege of a male gender identity in this society is so taken for granted that it never occurred to the men present to write it down.


Thinking about this further, I can't help but think that because 'masculine traits' are both culturally normalized as well as constantly praised, men don't need to identify themselves as "men" at every turn. Women, on the other hand, are constantly pitted against those same idolized masculine qualities like competitiveness, drive, focus, ability in math and science, and strength, to the point that we must constantly assert ourselves both in opposition to 'masculinity' while also aligning ourselves with those very traits the male gender has claimed as its own if we want to get ahead. No wonder we feel so strongly about what it means to be a woman!


Indeed, the word 'feminine' has so often been associated with negative terms such as weak, gossipy, obsessed with love and relationships, needy and, well...stupid. Yet today, empowered women know otherwise. To be feminine, or to identify as a woman, is to also be strong, assertive, competitive, capable in STEM research, and driven. Perhaps we are owning our gender identity because we are recreating what that identity means. Whatever the case, I was proud to stand up with a number of intellectual women asserting their 'femaleness' for all to see.


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Let's Get Some Things Straight

There has been so much dialogue in the media lately about feminism, you can't seem to turn on a T.V. or scroll through Twitter without someone ranting on about it. Yet, people who use the word so casually, and who attack the idea of "the f word" often seem to misunderstand the true meaning of feminism.


Let's get some facts out there. Feminism is about equality for women and men, both in the public and private spheres. Today's feminists seek not just equal representation in board rooms and on pay rolls, but we demand equal respect for our "female" qualities. We believe that women should be able to command a room with authority and not be labeled a bitch for being outspoken. We believe that women should be able to show emotion at the office or in public without being judged or thought to be too weak for an office environment. Perhaps most importantly, we believe that women should be able to feel safe walking home from the office at night or when we're headed out to a party dressed in our finest.

It's important to note one main aspect of every point I mentioned above: we can't get there without the help of men. Feminists today understand that the goal is for both women AND men to work together towards a more equal and respectful society. Women can't lead a room full of men without those men understanding that a woman's opinion is just as valid as his. Additionally,  women can't prevent sexual violence without her male counterparts helping to eliminate this plague of constant violence and harassment. This is not a fight against men, it is a fight with them.

I came across an article recently in The Huffington Post entitled "What's So Feminine About Being A Feminist" where author Lisa Marie Jenkins asserts that there is nothing feminine about feminism today. In fact, Jenkins states it is clear why feminism carries such negative connotations in our society. This kind of literature, published on a highly respected site which I normally love, is exactly what gives feminism a bad name and discredits all of the hardworking women and men seeking true equality. There are many women just like me who love to bake, knit, and go to the salon yet  also believe there is more work to be done on the feminist front. Let's keep the dialogue going.

Thanks for reading,

Madison

About...

Feminism scares people. Just reading the word can make us cringe, and hearing it most likely makes us think of aggressive, bra-burning women who hate men and love combat boots, cigarettes, and defying the man. And while that's all well and good if you identify with that group, that's not what feminism necessarily means. You can be a girly girl who loves peachy pink lipsticks, baking cupcakes and getting flowers from your boyfriend. You can be a stay-at-home mom loving the domestic life you've created, a powerhouse single woman working her way up the corporate ladder, or, like many of us, you can lay somewhere in between. The only thing that matters is that we live our lives with a consciousness of equality: women deserve to be treated equally to men, whether that means in the boardroom or the bedroom. We've come such a long way towards equality, but there are still miles to go. This blog is a space for us to explore the possibilities of feminine feminism and how we can embrace the girly life we desire while living the equality we deserve. Thanks for reading!

Madison xx